I miss you, Bombay!
I know it’s Mumbai, but Mumbai is a city, Bombay is an emotion. Bombay is the city where I was born, where I grew up, and Bombay is what made me the person I am today, Bombay is home!
I moved to Boston in March 2017, and since then I’ve gone back only twice. My last trip was 2 years back, and thanks to COVID, I don’t know when my next trip will be. I miss the city soo much – the people, food, driving through Marine Drive, just about everything! I know the borders are closed currently, but I’m planning a trip (hopefully as soon as the borders open), and I know it’s going to be difficult. Getting a ticket, sorting out the visa appointment, managing work – all this is going to be difficult, but that’s not what’s on my mind. I haven’t been back for 2 years, and COVID has changed everything back home.
The last time I went, things were simple – my brother and my best friend came and picked me from the airport, I went to all my favorite places, ate all the yummy food, met most of my favorite people, but this time, when I go, everything will be so different. My best friend is no more, it’s difficult to even write this, I don’t even know how I’ll feel when I don’t get to see his face. My dad’s been quite unwell too, so I’m really worried about him. He doesn’t talk much anymore, so what if my home doesn’t feel like home anymore? With masks, places being closed, social distancing, and everything, I think that Bombay is not going to feel like Bombay anymore.
Another big event is coming up, my brother-in-law is getting married! I am really excited, but I am upset that I can’t help with the preparations. I am upset that I’ll feel like a guest when I should actually be the host. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been away for so long, or something else, but I feel like I am not needed there. Like it won’t make much of a difference if I am not there. All this is obviously just in my head, I know it’s not true!
With all this happening, I keep going back and forth in my mind. I don’t know what to expect from this trip, and I’m not so sure if I want to go. Some things will suddenly become too real for me, and I’m not sure how I’ll react. Right now, I keep saying that I’m dying to go back (and I am, I really am), but I also say, I don’t know when it’ll happen. I think that gives me some comfort in a way. But then something happens again, and you want to forget everything and just go..
Recently, my mom sent me a biiiiig parcel filled with all my favorites – home-cooked food, packets of things I love, things I can use here, and I was so overwhelmed. Eating my first thepla (I just Googled it, and apparently, it’s also called Fenugreek Flatbread.. OMG, so fancy!.. LOL) literally brought tears in my eyes. It made me miss my mom and home even more! But I think what really stole the show was a tiny note my niece sent with the food. It just said, “Come to Mumbai. Fia I miss you <3 <3 From Nyra” (Fia means aunt). Words can’t even begin to express what I felt then or am still feeling. <3 I just feel like packing my bags and going right away. But then again – Stupid COVID, stupid visa issues.
Yes, I’m an immigrant, but I’m also human, right? I know I chose to move to Boston, and I’m continuing to live here. I am happy with the life I’ve managed to put together, and I know I shouldn’t be selfish, I can’t get the best of both worlds. But when situations like this come up, you start to question yourself.. your life.. just about everything. And obviously, you don’t have any answers.
I’m not too filmy or anything, but it took me back a dialogue from Dear Zindagi, here’s a translated version – “Sometimes we choose a difficult path only because we feel that to attain important things we need to choose a difficult path. We think that it’s important to punish ourselves, but why can’t we just choose a simple path? What’s wrong with that? Especially, when we are not ready to face that difficult path.” Did I choose the difficult path when I could’ve opted for the easy one? I guess I’ll never know.