It’s amazing how quickly things change. And, I know that. I know that things never stay the same, but this time it’s just not fair. One morning I woke up early, there were a dozen missed calls and messages on my phone. I got really scared, I knew it was bad news. I started thinking of my parents, and family back home, but I never expected what I read. I was so shocked. Just the previous day, Priyanka and I were talking about how you were recovering from COVID, and how I’ll show you guys my new apartment when you’re back home from the hospital. I never expected this.
You had messaged me when you had just tested positive, and you told me that you were scared that you won’t make it through, and I told you that you’re being stupid and asked you to shut up. I told you that you’ll be back to normal in no time. But I was so wrong. I really wish that I had listened to you, and tried spending more time with you. Instead, I chatted with you a few times, thinking you’ll need to rest. And, I told you that I’ll call you only once you’re home. I know we chatted a few times, but my biggest regret in life is not talking to you. This is going to stay with me forever.
I also regret just not being there in-person. Not being there for your family, for Priyanka, and for you. The last time I took you for a drive was in December 2019, when we went to Pranav’s house. If I had known that was the last one, I would’ve driven you to one of our favorite places and at least made it a little special.
I know it wasn’t in your hands, but how could you leave us so soon? How could you do this to Priyanka? It’s just so unfair! Just last week, it was your 5th wedding anniversary, and you left us before celebrating it?
Jinish, you were an amazing person. You touched so many lives. You were so kind and helpful. After I moved away, you took care of my family as your own, and you were just always there when anyone needed you. You’ve helped me through my life with my personal struggles. Today, I’m happy – married, job, family, everything, and all that is thanks to you. When I was at my lowest point, you were the only one who was there for me. You pulled me out of that big hole I was digging for myself. I had reached a point where I thought I was a terrible person, and my self-esteem was at an all-time low. I remember this very clearly. You chatted with my ex at that time, trying to put some sense into him. While you were trying to show me something else, you mistakenly shared that entire chat with me. Reading your perspective on the whole issue, and your thoughts on me as a person is what changed me. That’s what got me back to track, and I’ll be forever thankful to you for that.
You’ve touched my life in so many ways, you have no idea. I didn’t know that in my head I was always considering you my best friend. And, now I can’t believe I’ve lost my best friend. It’s been so difficult dealing with this loss. I’m trying my best to be there for Priyanka, and I always will. She’s awesome and is a good friend, but deep in my heart, I know I’m doing this for you. I know that you would’ve wanted me to do this. Our friendship meant a lot to me, but now walking the rest of the path alone is heartbreaking.
It’s been over 4 months since you passed, but I still can’t believe it. Every other day I cry about the unfairness of it all. I have opened our chat so many times, typed in messages, and just before hitting send, remembered that you won’t message back. I have gone through our photos together a zillion times, and each time I’ve regretted not taking more photos with you. I miss you so so much! I am dreading my next trip home, cause I know not seeing you will break me. I am unsure what is worse – the shock of what happened or the ache for what never will.
Jinish, you lived a great life. It was short, yes, but you were amazing. I feel fortunate that you were in my life, and I wouldn’t trade our memories for the world! You were and always will be my best friend! I promise to always celebrate all your special moments, I’ll remember our laughter, our drives, our happy memories! <3
Today, it’s your birthday and to celebrate it I bought that cake you loved when you visited me in Boston. I’m going to cherish every bite like you would’ve. Happy birthday, bro! I love you and I really really miss you!