I haven’t seen my parents in-person for over seven months. They’re always on my mind and I talk to mom twice every day, but since Father’s day is coming up, I’ve been thinking about my dad a lot more than usual. While growing up, my dad always supported me, never stopped me from doing anything, took me around the world, and pretty much gave me everything I ever asked for. He is amazing.
Since I’ve been thinking so much, I was trying to remember by favorite memory with him, but surprisingly I couldn’t really think of anything. There are lots of memories, and maybe I couldn’t pick my favorite, but for some reason, I can’t remember any of my childhood memories. It’s probably because of my accident, or I’m overthinking or maybe I didn’t spend enough time with him and always took him for granted?
When I was eleven, my parents planned a month-long trip to Australia and New Zealand. Obviously, they lied in school and said I had chicken pox or something since I was bunking an entire month! Yes, my parents are awesome! =) At that time, I always thought my dad loved my brother more than me, and I announced that everywhere I went. I didn’t care about how my dad felt, I really believed it and I was just eleven! We were at the Singapore airport, and just window shopping as it was just the beginning of our trip. I didn’t care much about buying anything till I laid my eyes on this medium-sized Tweety plush-toy. I fell in love with it, it was expensive, but I knew that I couldn’t live without it (I think I still have it!). I really wanted it, and my parents first refused. Then, they agreed to buy it, but asked me to buy it at the end of the trip. I thought they were lying, and by the end of the trip I would forget about it. So, hell broke loose for me, I started sobbing and screaming, and that just got my mom really mad. She dragged me away from the store, to the lounge, and I sat there crying. My aunt who was traveling with us, was laughing at me and she was asking me about my dad. I told her again that he didn’t love me, and he just loved my brother, that’s why he didn’t even get me the Tweety. A few minutes later, my dad walks up to me and tells me to go for a walk with him. I refused to even look at him. I was so mad! He insisted, but when I refused to look up, he put something yellow on my lap. Yes.. It was that Tweety I saw in the store. I couldn’t believe my eyes, I couldn’t believe that he actually went and bought it for me. My mom obviously shouted at him for buying it, but when she saw me so happy, she gave up. I was so thrilled, and so thankful, that I actually didn’t put the toy down for that entire month. I held it in my hand, and took it everywhere I went. Some people on the trip actually thought I was a snob since I had the toy in my hand all the time and they thought I was just showing off, but for me, that moment was when I realized that my dad loved me. It made me so happy, that the moment is etched in my mind, it is so clear, I feel like it happened yesterday.
I really love my dad, and I think he is awesome. Today, he’s 76 years old but he’ll still just a kid. He is not doing that great, and he also has issues with his memory. He came to Boston two years back, and for the entire three months that he was here, I was trying to convince him that he is in the US. He refused to believe me. He named some random location in Mumbai every day. It was funny, and every time my mom and I would just laugh it off. But a few weeks back, I was on a video call with my mom. She always shows me dad, and we wave at each other and ask about each other’s health. (He’s hard at hearing, and can’t hear over the phone.) Sometimes, he would call think I’m his sister, but then would later recognize me, so we laughed it off again. But this time, he just kept looking at me. He couldn’t recognize me at all, my mom kept telling him it’s Vidhi, it’s Vidhi, but he was just blank. He continued looking at me. I was speechless, and after I hung up, I cried for hours. I couldn’t believe it, how could my dad not recognize me? I’m his daughter, how can he forget that? I wasn’t hurt because he forgot, cause that’s not his fault, his health is deteriorating, but that’s when I realized how bad it has become.
I hate the fact that I’m far away, and I’m scared every day, and if anything does happen, I really hope that I don’t have any regrets. I do try my best to be there for my him, but staying so far, what can I do? I wish I could talk to him, tell him how much I love and appreciate him. Or just hear him talk, know what’s going on in his head and hear him say how much he loves me, or at least just say my name without anyone reminding him. I miss him and I miss talking to him.
I wish I could celebrate with him this weekend. I hope that some day I will.